These kids aren’t mine

It’s was sunny and 80 degrees in Indiana today. Sydney, 9 months old, has decided she will only nap outside now. Lincoln, freshly 3 years old, is figuring out his big boy brain of not needing a nap but still wanting one. 

I love naps! I have always loved nap time, even as a kid. But on days like today, it’s beautiful outside and the kids are tired but crave movement, things can get a little dicey. 

I decided for us that it was a great time to go to the Splash Pad. Lincoln wasn’t having a nap and Sydney was tired but I knew she’d sleep in the car. 

First though, the kids needed new bathing suites. So I thought we would head to Walmart first, then back track to the splash pad. We were almost there when I looked in the back after realizing that Lincoln wasn’t talking to his toy dinosaur anymore. He was asleep. 

“Well, I guess I can go to the car wash with our brand new to us minivan.” I said to myself. 

We get through the car wash and I decide to just head back home. Today was a bust but that’s okay. Sometimes plans change and I’m working hard lately at pivoting with those times instead of strong arming them. 

When we get home, Lincoln wakes up and asks immediately to go to the splash pad. He refuses to get out of his car seat. So I put my sunglasses back on my face, jump in my new to me minivan, put on the Miley Cyrus  Pandora Radio Station (because we needed a little come up from the grave music) and head to the splash pad. 

Pulling in I have this really weird feeling, like I’m me 15 years ago, and these are not my kids. 

Who is this women driving a rather new, rather fancy, high tech minivan? She has her hair pulled back with a 1990’s style hair pin. The kind that pinch your hair with its little teeth, works great for curly hair. She puts off this vibe of being the cool mom, belting out “I love rock and roll”. 

Is it me? Today me? Or years ago me? 

My dads best friend would pay me a lot of money to watch his kids when I was a teenager. I was only 15 the first summer so I didn’t have a car, a good boyfriend, or motivation to do anything with those kids other than sleep on their couch all day. 

The next year I had my drivers license and we went everywhere. My little 5 speed F150 fit me and two small boys comfortably. We went to the pool, the park, Taco Bell. We played outside every day. Oh, and I didn’t have that not so good boyfriend anymore. 

We’d roll into a parking lot, blasting Miley Cyrus, my sunglasses covering my big eyes, my curly hair falling into my face. I was cool. I was the older kid that made things fun. 

So when exactly did that cool, older kid have 2 babies of her own? Who authorized this? I don’t think I’m quite mature enough for such responsibilities. 

But my cool, bad self and my 2 excited and awesome babies took off through the parking lot to play in recycled water. There were other cool moms there too. The ones that gossiped the whole time in the sun chairs. The ones on their phone, probably handling an important email for work. The ones that were running through the water with their kids screaming and yelling with glee. 

Which one do you think I was? If you’re my husband reading this; you’re making that little smirk with your dimples and thinking “you were screaming and yelling with glee, don’t blame the kids”. (And if you’re my husband, you’re right). 

Reality set in when I realized we didn’t have a change of clothes, swim diapers, or even towels. My cheeks got red as I realized that I’m not the cool mom. I’m still the mom figuring it out. I’m the mom that gets so distracted by the sleeping children that I forget to pack other things for them. 

So we played in our street clothes, Sydney had a very full diaper when we were done, and we dried off in the sun. Just like I would do with the two little boys I would babysit.

There are days where I am having so much fun with my kids, I genuinely think I’m just a teenager, babysitting someone else’s kids. 

And then Lincoln yells “mommy! Look!” And I’m reminded that these fun little buckets of laughter are mine and I’m theirs and we get to have fun together. 

From impromptu balloon fights, to pool days, all the way to playing with the hose in the garden; I think I’ll keep being the cool mom. 

Love, Livv