Raising children has nothing to do with them, but everything to do with me.

It’s 90*F outside, we have played in the kiddie pool, used the hammock as a swing, sat down and played with blocks in the barn, but now I’m tired, hot, and ready for some AC and probably a nap. I can tell the kids are feeling the same way but these sun children of mine will die on the mountain they rose on to stay outside as long as possible. Which is great given modern society children and their need to be locked away inside with video games and techno devises; but again, I am tired, hot, and probably need a nap. 

I wrangle everyone inside. I get Lincoln a bottle and a blanket while curious gorge plays on the tv. I change Sydney’s diaper and go lay down in bed with her but she’s not having it. She jumps up out of my arms and starts playing with her new favorite thing, the blinds. Lincoln hears her and runs into the bedroom “Nee no is tired” (translation: Sydney isn’t tired). But she is tired and I am too. 

“Lincoln, go lay down in the living room. Sydney is tired and your presence is keeping her up. Go.” I’m getting frustrated and annoyed. 

He won’t leave her and now she’s wide awake laughing and rolling around with him on the bed. 

I sigh, grab both kids in my arms at the same time, and take the 5 steps to get back to the living room to play.

We are living in a 30 foot camper. Quiet, silence, and privacy are all a thing of the past for the time being. You can hear every noise, feel every movement; it’s almost impossible to do anything for a separated nap time. 

We play for about 5 minutes until the process repeats itself; only this time I totally loose my cool. 

“Lincoln, GET OUT OF HERE!” 

He knows what I’m saying and understands me. But he doesn’t want to go be by himself when he knows that his sweet little sister just wants to play with him. 

We all go back to playing on the living room floor for another 5 minutes. 

The third time is the charm. This time everyone goes down. 2 dogs, 2 kids, and a mom. 

I’m laying in bed about to fall asleep when I realize that if I had just listened to their play instincts the first time around, we could have skipped the 2 unsuccessful attempts at laying down. I wouldn’t have lost my temper. I would have had kinder words. 

The kids did nothing wrong. They just wanted to play with each other. We have no schedule to keep, no where to be. Paul is at the firehouse today and has the only vehicle we own, so it’s not like we could go anywhere even if we wanted to. 

So how did I get there? Why did I push the issue? 

I get so stuck in my way sometimes. I think it’s a control issue. It also probably has something to do with society and its intense need to keep schedules and routines. 

“Kids thrive on routines”, I hear. But the more and more we don’t have a routine, the more and more I think that maybe it’s the adults that thrive on routines, and kids just along with it because that’s what they do. 

But these kids wake when they are rested, sleep when they are tired, eat when they are hungry, and drink water when they are thirsty. They play outside most of the day, and relax on the couch when they want to relax. They read books and build houses, color pretty pictures and play with animal figurines. 

I don’t ask them to do any of it, they just do it when they want it. 

I wish I could go back and unlearn how to be an adult. I just want to be a kid again. There are tasks to complete but we can complete them with happiness and excitement. Adults tend to do things with dread and anguish, rigidity and coldness. Children see new things wholly and openly, with so much curiosity and helpfulness. 

I want to act more like a child so I can be a better adult for my babies. 

Love, Livv